Sex Ed: It's Perfectly Normal by Robie H. Harris and Michael Emberley

This review is part of my ongoing quest to choose great resources for helping the Sonars understand their bodies, their sexuality, and sex.

It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie H. Harris and Michael Emberley. Candlewick Press (Third Paperback Edition), 2009.

This is the third book in Harris and Emberley’s Family Library series of books to help young people understand sex and sexuality. I reviewed the second, It’s So Amazing, right here.

The focus in this third book is summed up in the final chapter, “Staying Healthy: Responsible Choices,” and the book is trying to give kids honest, accurate, complete information so that they can make decisions for themselves. The book begins by providing explanations of the the biology of both sexes, addresses personal hygiene and personal care norms, then builds toward an understanding of what happens when desire and sexuality begin to influence lives. Homosexuality, masturbation, contraception, abstinence, abortion, sexually transmitted diseases, and an expanded section on internet safety, are all discussed in some detail.

Harris and Emberley continue to respect young people by presenting information directly and without judgement, illustrated by Emberley’s characteristic drawing style with frank drawings of internal and external anatomy. My favorite part of all the Family Library books are the wide variety of naked bodies represented, so that most readers can find someone like themselves in the pages of the books. We see bodies young and old, and in varying hues and abilities, curious and shy, in an array of inclusive family constructions. The book does not hedge illustrations behind suggestion and innuendo.

The larger chunks of text, and the more explicit descriptions of matters from intercourse to abortion, make this book best suited for slightly older children. The suggested age range is 10 to 14, and I think that’s spot on. This book is less addressed toward young people who are actively engaged in sex, than toward young people who are beginning to have an understanding of sex and will soon face choices for themselves. This book is preparation before and during the early phases of sexual understanding and exploration. It is on target for Sonar X11, and some chapters, especially the biology and personal care chapters, would be fine for Sonar X8, though not all kids that young will want to read all of the explanatory text. That’s fine too, because the pictures teach as much as the words.

The story is guided by Bird (who is curious about sex) and Bee (who is shy and reluctant to talk about sex), who take a smaller role in this book than in the earlier installments in the series, but are still present to ease the awkwardness of some subjects. Complicated concepts are accompanied by full page, comic-book style explanations as reinforcement. The cartoonish aspects of the book do not feel condescending, and are diminished in the more serious and controversial sections.

The biological functions are heteronormative in focus, but do acknowledge variation without judgement. A key idea that is repeated throughout the book is that once the biology of puberty kicks in, once adult functioning of the sex organs begins, pregnancy is always a possible outcome of some sexual behaviors. The book does not so much focus on helping a young person who is struggling to define his or her self-identity, but to introduce and define the possibilities that people will encounter in the world.

The central message Harris and Emberley present is respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility in actions. They steer readers with questions or confusion toward trusted adults, a technique underlined by their own reliance and gratitude toward a long list of experts in many fields.

We need something one step beyond this book that begins to address social situations and personal identity more explicitly, but this book and the others in the series are great foundational books for a positive and healthy attitude toward sex that is based in complete, inclusive, and direct facts and attitudes without resorting to fear mongering and piling on anxiety.

A Book A Week: The Neddiad by Daniel Pinkwater

The Neddiad: How Neddie Took The Train, Went to Hollywood, and Saved Civilization by Daniel Pinkwater (Houghton Mifflin, 2007)

A shoelace tycoon with a parakeet fetish moves his family from Chicago to L.A. on a whim. On a train. His son, Neddie Wentworthstein, has some interesting adventures that begin when he misses the train in Santa Fe and meets an oddball shaman. Melvin the Shaman (as he is sometimes called) gives Neddie a small carved turtle. Neddie later discovers that the turtle is essential to the preservation of civilization. With enemies like Sandor Eucalyptus and Sholmos Bunyip, and allies like Seamus Finn (and his dad, a famous, swashbuckling movie actor), a ghost named Billie, and Yggdrasil Birnbaum, Neddie completes an Oedipean adventure that prevents rapid, sudden devolution and the return of the ice age. 

The Sonars and I read this one out loud, and with prose as fun and lyrical as the memorable names, it’s a great story to read out loud. Even with the fate of civilization threatened, Pinkwater doesn’t let the story get too intense. The wise characters keep the story real, and assure Neddie that when the time comes, not only will he know exactly the right thing to do, but he’ll be successful doing it. Our only vaguely critical comment about the story is the abruptness of the ending. We wander for dozens of chapters through whimsically detailed encounters, but the sudden turn into dreamlike resolution left us hanging in mid-wonder. Sonar X11 said it was like the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey. We sat there for several moments, mouths open, wondering “Wha-aat?”

This mid-twentieth-century setting is a kinder, gentler world in which kids have freer and further reign and navigation in their worlds. Which, all by itself is a great fantasy for kids that often find their lives circumscribed by the minivan route. Plus Neddie and his friends find a mastodon. Who doesn’t love a mastodon in L.A.? 

ABAW, Read-Aloud Trio: Eternity Code, Graveyard Book, and Curious Incident

Three books I read out loud to the Sonars in September, October, and November.

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Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code by Eoin Colfer. Hyperion via Scholastic, 2003.

I’ve never liked Artemis quite as much as the Sonars do, but Colfer’s lyrical words are fun to read aloud.

This is the third in the series of books about the preteen criminal mastermind, but Artemis’ conscience is beginning to prick at him a bit more sharply. Artemis is recognizing that his activities hurt people that he loves. That combined with the moral reformation of his recovering father suggests that Artemis’ criminal days may soon be over.

“Just one more job” doesn’t go quite as planned. A restaurant explodes and Butler gets shot when Artemis underestimates a dirty American business tycoon. Shaken by his mistake, Artemis has to call on Holly (one more time) to try to save Butler and recover a piece of fairy technology, and the clock is ticking. Butler’s teenaged sister Julia takes on a more prominent role as she tries to fill her big brother’s big shoes. Julia Butler’s style is all her own though. Foaly is my favorite series character, but Artemis, Julia, and Holly have to work with limited assistance from the clever centaur. Without giving away too much, Colfer hits a sort of reset button at the conclusion of this one, promising that subsequent adventures will renew the conflict between human child-genius and fairykind. 

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The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. HarperCollins paperback, 2008.

The Sonars chose this book for Halloween reading. This was the second time through for most of us, but the first time out loud.

Gaiman’s story of Nobody Owens—the boy who is raised by ghosts in a graveyard after his family is brutally murdered—is easily one of my favorite books of all time. It bears rereading, and grows with the kids. They notice and understand the implications of the story differently as they change and understand the world differently.

The structure of the book makes it a fabulous bedtime read. I think the early chapters could each stand as a story on their own for a reader who isn’t ready to commit to the whole novel.

I love Gaiman’s books for children and adolescents because he does not condescend to a misguided notion of youthful innocence and understanding. He knows that kids know things, and need to know things. His books are sometimes scary, showing an ugly side of humanity and life and death. But he doesn’t frighten in a vacuum. The children in the stories find strength in themselves to not only conquer their fears, but to find the source of their power in the acceptance of their own oddities.

As a mother, reading this to my growing boys, I find several parts of the story of the growth of Bod very moving. I’m inspired by the gentle but thoughtful parenting provided by all of the different adults (ghostly and not) in Bod’s life, and hope that I can help the Sonars navigate their ways to adulthood with as strong and wonderful a sense of compassion and self that Bod finds. 

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The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon. Random House (Via Vintage Books) 2003.

The narrator and main character of this story is Christopher, a fifteen year old boy with autism. In the opening scene, he stumbles on his neighbor’s dog, who has been killed with a garden fork. Christopher wants to solve the mystery of who killed Wellington, and because he loves Sherlock Holmes, he tells us the story in what he imagines to be a Sherlockian detective style. But he also tells us so much more. The mystery is far more complicated than who killed the dog. The audience cannot help but understand who has killed the Wellington, and how a lie has grown, well before Christopher can understand what has happened. The world of emotion is bewildering for Christopher. Details that reveal to most readers information about the well-being (or lack thereof) of various people in Christopher’s life, do not register the same way with Christopher. How does a person who has trouble understanding and expressing emotion, cope with great emotional upheaval in his life? How does he understand trust? How does one rebuild trust with him once it is lost?

This is not, strictly speaking, a children’s story. I hesitated at first to read this one out loud to the Sonars. Is the story and language too mature? I wondered. Are the subtleties of Christopher’s character too sophisticated for the Sonars to understand? But we read this one right after we finished The Graveyard Book, and I remembered the lesson not to underestimate kids and to trust that they will learn what they can from a story.

Alternating sequences advance the plot and explain complicated mathematical and logical ideas that help to calm Christopher when he becomes upset. These sometimes very difficult puzzles that we might struggle to understand offer the reader analogies for how Christopher feels in understanding relationships. His father’s pain might be obvious to us, but so is the logic problem obvious to Christopher. Haddon’s portrayal of this character is subtle, compassionate, complicated, and beautiful. As well as sometimes a little gritty and profane (but only mildly profane).

The Sonars loved this story. I think they did understand that Christopher does not experience the world the same way they do. Nevertheless they were able to very strongly empathize with Christopher’s adventure and his struggle and his fear as he stumbles into a very alien and insecure new circumstance. They sat tensely, on the edge of their seats, as Christopher tried to make his way through the train station the first time, and so, perhaps, understood Christopher’s story on an immediate and more deeply emotional level.

A Bit Dusty Around Here, eh?

Give me a few days to sweep out the cobwebs. Let some cultural (or culty, if you prefer) knitting and the brown-eyed Sonar hold us over. Oh, and Happy New Year.

Sonar X8 busting a ninja move in a Jayne Cobb hat.

24 Days of Thanks, 2011-Style

I bring you Dani’s Second-Annual, November list of Thanks (Better Late Than Never). Chockablock with over-earnestness, a smidge of cheekiness, and an occasional disregard for paradigms (even while enthusiastically participating in larger hegemonic structures).

 Day 1: I am thankful for my muses, all of them and all of you, but most especially for Partner. Somehow when I bounce words and ideas off of him, they come back to me making sense, and sense is good.

‎Day 2: I am thankful for the opportunity to watch people learn to read. There is so much magic in watching a person figure out how to untangle the squiggles and have the power to decode the textual communication that surrounds us.

‎Day 3: Today I am thankful for cold wind, especially those cold fronts that blow in during the night, giving us a break from the hot hot hot.

‎Day 4: Today I am thankful for Body Armor. From the top of the head to the reinforced drawers, may it always protect our soldiers (including my brother) from harm.

‎Day 5: I am thankful for cake. And bakers.

Day 6: Today I am thankful for Legos and for our local library’s Great Lego Build Off. The Sonars have been spent MANY hours this month building amazing things, trying to figure out what their entries will be.

‎Day 7: Today I am thankful for proximity—living close enough to walk or ride bikes in most of our day-to-day activities.

‎Day 8: I’m thankful for the Nineteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution.

Day 9: I am thankful for our health insurance. With allergies, infections, asthma, eyeglasses, teeth, hernias, and regular old bodily maintenance and prevention, I don’t know what we’d do without it. I wish everyone had affordable access to adequate coverage.

‎‎Day 10: I am thankful for the agitators, the skeptics, the questioners, and the people who just wouldn’t shut up in the face of something wrong. Change, progress, and improvement only happen when people are willing to stand up and say something.

Day 11 (Veteran’s Day): I am thankful for those who have chosen to serve our country, who fulfill the promises that our government makes in our name.

Day 12: I am thankful for packed Saturdays. For the many enrichment opportunities for the kids, and for the teachers, coaches, and volunteers who make these opportunities possible.

Day 13: I’m thankful for my seventh-grade keyboarding teacher, Mrs. Horcasitas, who taught me to touch type like the wind. Zoom zoom.

Day 14: I’m thankful for eyeglasses. Four out of five occupants of this house are now eyeglass wearers. Sonar X6 should really watch out.

Day 15: I am thankful for our fabulous piano teacher. Our days are now filled with bits and pieces of music. Tanya is structured and patient, and has given The Sonars a gift that they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.

Day 16: I am thankful for Librarians! They know how to find almost any bit of information you could want. They organize and protect ideas. Fiercely. Some might poetically call them the Guardians of the Flame of Knowledge. That sounds so sexy.  Which is great, because librarians ARE sexy.

Day 17: I’m so thankful for small kindnesses. For holding open the door for someone, for smiling and exchanging a few words, for compliments that are small coming from the giver, but huge for the receiver, for simple, warm-hearted gestures that cost nothing, but feel priceless.

Day 18 (I told you I’d catch up): I’m thankful for all of you. Whether it’s something you’ve read, the music you’re listening to, your thoughts, observations, or actions, you challenge me, you break my heart, you make me laugh, you make me dance, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You people Rock My Socks Off!

Day 19: I am thankful for fruit loops. And friends to share them with.

Day 20: I am thankful for ICE. From the polar ice caps to the jingle in a drink to an ice pack for an injury (or sore typing wrists), I am so grateful for cold, solid, water.

Day 21: I’m thankful for internet access. Without it, I could not share this list with all of you quite as efficiently.

‎Day 21: I am thankful for antibiotics. We live in a world where they are often taken for granted and misapplied, but they quietly and unglamorously prevent serious illness and save lives every day.

Day 23: I am thankful for frustration. Weird, right? But when I get frustrated, I know I’ve reached a limit, I know I have a challenge to face, I know that I need to alter my course or bear down and push through to (hopefully) find the satisfaction of accomplishment on the other side.

Day 24: I’m thankful for holidays and vacations, chances to set aside the routine and be with people we love and do things we wouldn’t normally do, like make pie and marshmallows and roast turkey and stay up too late.

Day 29 (Bonus): I’m thankful for NaNoWriMo and the inspiration, motivation, and excitement that gets me to write down fresh ideas every fall.

Day 30 (Excess): I’m thankful for readers. And writers. And idea-sharers. And inspirers. And you. I’m very thankful for all of you.